maundy thursday

I've always wondered what Maundy Thursday means. Well, I checked it out in the dictionary and the word maundy essentially mean "holy". So this is "holy" Thursday... holy in the sense that we celebrate the last supper where Jesus spent one last intimate evening with his disciples before he was put on trial and handed over to be crucified. But think for a moment of the picture of holiness that is created when you look back at this day... a rabbi washes his disciples feet, they can't believe what he is talking about, so Judas agrees to turn him over, betrayal, but Judas is not the only one, the disciples fall asleep when they are supposed to be keeping watch, Jesus knows of what is about to take place so he pleads with the Father to let it pass, the son of God subject to human anguish, fear, loneliness, an angry Peter draws his sword, violence, healing, arrest, denial... Is that what "holy" looks like? I had a different picture in mind, a nice picture where things aren't painful or messy, a more sterile picture, Jesus in a nice white robe, with light emanating from all around him, maybe some sheep, you know, softer images. But the gospel is messy. It's terribly messy and beautifully messy all at the same time. And for those of us who don't like a mess, well then holiness is not for us. But the "passion" of Christ that we refer to during holy week has nothing to do with us cleaning up our act, it's actually about entering into the mess of life and choosing love, even when it is lonely or painful and may costs us our very life.